Ubudlelwano phakathi kwabantu buyisisekelo sempilo yethu yansuku zonke. Kusukela emsebenzini kuya emndenini, okuhlanganisa ubungane kanye nobudlelwano bothando, indlela esixhumana ngayo nabanye ithonya ngqo inhlalakahle yethu engokomzwelo nengokomzimba. Kodwa-ke, sivame ukuphatha imibono efundwe emasikweni athandwayo esiholela ekuthandeni uthando futhi singanaki izici ezibalulekile njengokuxhumana, inhlonipho, kanye nokuzimela komuntu siqu.
Sekungamashumi eminyaka isayensi ihlola ukuthi yini eyenza ubudlelwano bube nempilo ngempela. Olunye lwezifundo ezinde kakhulu, i-Harvard Study of Adult Development, lulandele amakhulu abantu kusukela ngo-1938 futhi luphetha ngokuthi ikhwalithi yobudlelwano bethu iyona ebikezela impilo, injabulo, nokuphila isikhathi eside. Imali nempumelelo ayibalulekile: okusigcina siphila futhi sanelisekile ngempela ukuba nokuxhumana okuqinile nothando.
Uthando lothando kanye nezinganekwane zalo
Sekuyiminyaka eminingi, ama-movie, uchungechunge lwe-TV, kanye nokukhangisa kusithengisele umbono wothando olusekelwe ekusindiseni, ekuzideleni, kanye nezenzo ezinkulu. Lo mbono, ovame ukufakwa ebuntwaneni, udala amathemba angewona angokoqobo angqubuzana neqiniso lanoma yiluphi ubudlelwano. Uthando akufanele lufane nedrama noma ukuhlupheka, kodwa kunalokho luhambisana nobungane, ukusekelana, kanye nokukhula ngokubambisana.
Ngokuphambene nale modeli ehlelekile, ochwepheshe batusa ukwenza uthando olunempilo lube nothando , okungukuthi, ukuthola injabulo nesifiso ebudlelwaneni lapho ukunakekelwa nokulingana kubusa khona. Ingxabano engapheli ayidingeki ukuze uzizwe unesifiso; empeleni, isifiso esihlala njalo sizalwa ukwethembana nokuhambisana.
Ukubaluleka kobudlelwano empilweni
Ucwaningo oludumile lwaseHarvard, oluholwa yisazi sezifo zengqondo uRobert Waldinger, lubonise ukuthi abantu abanobudlelwano obufudumele nobuzinzile baphila isikhathi eside futhi benempilo engcono. Ngokusho kukaWaldinger, “ukunakekela umzimba wakho kubalulekile, kodwa ukuhlakulela ubuhlobo nakho kuyindlela yokuzinakekela.” Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ubudlelwano obunobuthi bungalimaza ubuchopho futhi bufinyeze impilo ngeminyaka efinyelela kweyishumi, njengoba kuxwayisa isazi sezinzwa u-Ana Asensio.
Akukhona nje kuphela ukuthi unabantu abaningi abakuzungezile, kodwa futhi kumayelana nekhwalithi yalezo zixhumanisi . Ubudlelwano obuncane obujulile nobuqotho bubaluleke ngaphezu kobungaphezu kwekhulu. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ubudlelwano obuhle abutholakali, buyakhiwa, futhi lokho kudinga ukuzinikela, ukulalela, kanye nekhono lokuthethelela.
Izinsika zobudlelwano obunempilo
Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo saseChile uLorena Polania uqhathanisa uthando newayini elihle: ludinga ibhalansi. Ebudlelwaneni, lelo bhalansi lisekelwe ezinsikeni ezine: ukuxhumana, uthando, ucansi, kanye nohlelo lokuphila oluhlanganyelwe . Uma enye yalezi zinsika ihluleka, ubudlelwano buyahluleka. Ukuxhumana akukhona nje ukukhuluma, kodwa futhi nokwazi ukulalela nokuveza izidingo ngaphandle kokwesaba. Uthando, ngokwalo, kufanele lube ngoluvundlile, ngaphandle kokulwa kwamandla.
Esinye isici esibalulekile ukugcina ubuntu bomuntu siqu. Ubudlelwano obuhle akusho ukuthi nihlangane kuze kube yilapho nilahlekelwa ubuwena benu. Umlingani ngamunye ugcina ubungane bakhe, izinto azithandayo, kanye nesikhala sakhe, futhi lokhu kuyathuthukisa ubudlelwano. Ukuthembela ngokomzwelo kuyisitha esithule esiguqula uthando lube yisidingo esingenampilo.
Izingxabano azinakugwenywa, kodwa okubalulekile ukuthi zisingathwa kanjani. Imibhangqwana eyaziyo indlela yokuphatha ukungezwani ngenhlonipho nangaphandle kobudlova ivele ibe namandla. Ukufunda ukuphikisana ngaphandle kokuhlasela, ukuvumelana ngaphandle kokuzihlazisa, nokufuna izixazululo ezihlangene kuyikhono elingathuthukiswa.
Ukufunda ukuzithanda wena nabanye
Imfundo yocansi neyomzwelo kusukela ebuntwaneni iyisisekelo sokwakha ubudlelwano obunempilo. Akukhona nje ukuvimbela izingozi, kodwa kumayelana nokufundisa intsha ukuhlonza izifiso, ukubeka imingcele , nokuqaphela ukuziphatha okulimazayo. Ekamu lasebusika lentsha, isibonelo, izihloko ezinjengokuzithanda, imihlatshelo eyenziwa ngenxa yothando, kanye nomehluko phakathi kobudlelwano obunempilo nobunobuthi kwaxoxwa ngazo. Abahlanganyeli bacabange ngendlela uthando oluqondisa ngayo izinqumo zabo nokuthi bangasekelana kanjani kangcono.
Ukuzithanda kuyisisekelo sayo yonke into. Labo abangazithandi abakwazi ukunikeza abanye uthando olunempilo. Ngakho-ke, ukuhlakulela ukuzethemba , ukuhlonipha imingcele yakho, nokufunda ukuba wedwa kuyizinyathelo zokuqala ezibalulekile. Umphakathi nawo udlala indima ebalulekile: ukuzungeza abantu abasazisayo nabasisekelayo kuqinisa ikhono lethu lokuthanda.
Ekugcineni, ubudlelwano obunempilo buyindawo yokusekelana neyokukhulisa lapho bobabili abantu bezizwa bekhululekile futhi behlonishwa. Akukhona mayelana nokuthola umuntu ophelele, kodwa mayelana nokwakha isibopho ndawonye esisekelwe ekwethembeni, ekukhulumisaneni, kanye nothando. Ukuhlola imibono yethu ngothando, ukufunda ukuphatha izingxabano, kanye nokugcina ubuntu bethu kuyizinyathelo ezidingekayo zokujabulela ubudlelwano obusicebisayo, hhayi obusiphazamisayo. Ngoba, njengoba kusho isisho, uthando ludinga ukukhuliswa nsuku zonke, kodwa lungaminzi.
Isayensi nokuhlangenwe nakho kuyavumelana: ubudlelwano obunempilo abuyona into yokunethezeka, kodwa buyinto ebalulekile. Ukubukhulisa kuwukuzikhulisa thina, futhi lokho kuqala ngokukhetha abantu abafanele esizozungeza nabo nokufunda ukuba umlingani omuhle. Ekugcineni, okubaluleke ngempela akukhona ukuthi sithanda kangakanani, kodwa ukuthi sithanda kanjani.
