Ngingathanda ukunikela le ndatshana ekuphenduleni omunye wemibuzo ovele kumuntu okhulumisana naye, ngenxa yendatshana yami edlule: "Umona: isihloko esingavunyelwe." Ngiyawuthokozela umnikelo wakho njengoba lolu hlobo lombuzo lusivumela ukuthi sihlolisise izici ezithile okungenzeka ukuthi bekungeke kubhekwane nazo.
Umbuzo ubuzwe ngale ndlela: Singawubona kanjani umona? Ake sifike ephuzwini.
Ngaphandle kokuthi umuntu avume ngqo nangokukhuluma, awekho ama-100% amasiginali athembekile asivumela ukuthi sithole umona noma ngokujwayelekile, kwenzekani engqondweni yomunye umuntu. Cabanga ukuthi abanye bangafunda yonke into edlula emakhanda ethu ngokuqiniseka okuphelele ... kungasabeka futhi sizizwe sonakele ebumfihlo bethu.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, Ngifuna ukugwema ukuwela ekuhumusheni okulula Ngoba ukuziphatha okungasho lutho esikubona kwabanye akuvezi incazelo eyodwa ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ukweqa izingalo, ngokwesibonelo, kungasho ukuthi umuntu uthukuthele noma akavumelani, kodwa kungase kusho ukuthi lowo muntu uyabanda. Ngamanye amazwi, umphumela esiwubonayo awuhlali unesizathu esisodwa noma incazelo.
Noma kunjalo, kuyaziwa namuhla ukuthi Ukuxhumana okungasho lutho kumelela ingxenye enhle yokuxhumanaLo mbono usitshela ukuthi, ngokuphambene nalokho esikucabangayo, amagama awasebenzi ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho sixhumana. Ulimi olungasho lutho (ukushukuma komzimba, ukuma, ukubuka, iphimbo, njll.) lunothe kakhulu ngolwazi. Ngeshwa, ngokuvamile asikunaki kakhulu. Umphakathi esiphila kuwo usifundise ukuncika kakhulu emakhanda ethu nasekucabangeni, kube yingozi emqondweni wethu.
Ngezansi ngiphakamisa izivivinyo ezithile ongakusebenzisa ukuze ufunde ukuthuthukisa lawa makhono okuzalwa esiwatholayo kodwa esivame ukuhlehlela emuva. Lezi zivivinyo zingaba usizo kakhulu ekuqondeni kangcono okwenzekayo ebudlelwaneni bethu kanye nasekutholeni izinhloso zabanye ngokucophelela.
Uyini umona futhi kungani uvela?
Umona a umuzwa wokungakhululeki ngaphambi kwalokho siyafisa kodwa kasilalutho, kuyilapho omunye umuntu esekuzuzile kakade. Ungaxhumana izinto ezibonakalayo, izici zobuntu, amakhono, ubudlelwane o amafomu okuphila. Ekujuleni kwenhliziyo, kuvame ukuphumula ku-a ukuzethemba okuntekenteke: Ukubona impumelelo yabanye kusongela ukuzethemba kwethu.
Kukhona futhi okuthiwa "umona onempilo": ukufuna into omunye umuntu anayo ngaphandle kokumfisela okubi noma ukuhlupheka. Kule modi, isiqhathaniso sisinika ugqozi futhi ubuthela esenzweni, ngaphandle kokucasuka. Ukuhlukanisa kokubili kuyisihluthulelo sokungadideki ukuncoma con inzondo.
Izazi zefilosofi ezinjengo-Aristotle zayichaza ngokuthi ubuhlungu ngenxa yenhlanhla yabanyeLowo buhlungu wangaphakathi uvame ukwanda uma kunjalo thula o phika, futhi kungaholela ku ukubuyekezwa, ira, ukuvuthwa y ukudeEzingeni lokuziphendukela kwemvelo, umona unengxenye eguquguqukayo: uvela ku- ukuncintisana ngezinsiza futhi ungaphusha i ukuthuthuka, kodwa iba yisiteshi esingalungile elimazayo.
Ezingeni lebhayoloji, umona ungasebenza izimpendulo zokucindezeleka (isb. ngokukhulula i-cortisol). Ukuze balinganisele, basekela imikhuba ekhuthazayo i-oxytocin y serotonin (ukunakekelwa komphakathi, amahlaya, ukuphumula, imvelo). Ukuthola lo mbono wokuphila kusiza uku ukujwayela umzwelo awusawuphathi ngokwedlulele.
Izimpawu zokuziphatha nezokuqonda ezembula umona
Abukho ubufakazi obungenaphutha, kodwa bukhona amaphethini abonakalayo. Kunconywa ukubheka i- ukuphindaphinda y ukuvumelana zalezi zimpawu ezimweni ezahlukene kanye nabantu abahlukene:
Izimpawu ezicashile (futhi ezivamile).
- Ubutha obungenasizathu: Izincazelo eziphoqelelwe zibonakala zihlambalaza izimpumelelo zakho. i-cognitive dissonance ikucindezela ukuba uguqule impumelelo yakho ibe “ukuzikhukhumeza” noma “inhlanhla.”
- Amahlaya ahlabayo nokubhuqa: amahlaya athiya noma aqukethe a ukugxeka okufihlakele, ukugcina i-facade ye-cordiality.
- Ukunciphisa impumelelo yakho: chaza imiphumela yakho ku ithuba, othintana nabo noma “kwakulula.”
- Ukuhoxiswa kosekelo: ukungabikho ngezikhathi ezibalulekile noma ukuntula ukuqashelwa okucacile lapho izinto zihamba kahle.
- Ukuqhathanisa njalo: Balinganisa ukubaluleka kwabo ngokuqhathanisa neyakho, kunokuba balinganise ngemigomo yabo.
- Ukugxekwa okuphindelelayo futhi ugxile ekuhlulekeni kwakho, njengendlela yokunxephezela umuzwa wakho wokungafaneleki.
- Ukuntula ukubonga ngenxa yomuntu; ukulungisa lokho "abakuntulayo" ngokumelene nalokho "onakho."
- Ukuncintisana okweqile: Abaphishekeli imigomo yomuntu siqu, kodwa kunalokho “ukuba ngaphezu” kwabanye.
- Ubunzima bokujabula ngalokho okungekho, futhi, ngezinye izikhathi, ngisho nalokho okungokwakho (ukuzwa ukungabi nalutho ngemva kokufeza imigomo).
Izimpawu ezisobala (ezibonakala ngezikhathi ezithile)
- Ukuqhuma kwentukuthelo okungenasizathu, ikakhulukazi uma ubhekene nezindaba zempumelelo noma zokuqashelwa.
- I-Public Replicas: Bafuna “ukwehlisa” ithonya lakho lapho kunezilaleli, ukuze “bangayeki” ukunaka.
- Ukwehliswa isithunzi nokuhleba: ukuphawula okuyindelelo ngemuva kwakho, amahlebezi nezindaba ezichemile.
- Ukucekela phansi okucashile: ukubambezela usizo oluthenjisiwe, ukwethula amaphutha, ukunciphisa ukufaneleka kweqembu.
- Umbukiso wokunqoba ihaba njengephuzu eliphikisayo, ukuba “phezulu”.
- Sibungaza ukwehluleka kwakho noma ukukhululeka okuzwakalayo lapho kukhona okungahambi kahle.
- ukunyamalala lapho kunezindaba ezinhle ezivela kuwe; ziphinde zivele uma ubhekene nobunzima.
Izici ezingokwengqondo ezihambisanayo
- Ukuzenyeza e ukungazethembi ngokomzwelo, ngokuthambekela kokuzizwa besongelwa injabulo yabanye.
- Ukungabi nozwela ngezinye izikhathi lapho omunye umuntu elindele ukusekelwa kwangempela.
- i-ego ebuthakathaka osebenzisa i- ukubuyekeza noma i ukuqhathanisa ukukhulula ukungakhululeki kwangaphakathi.
Inothi elibalulekile: Ukuba khona kwesignali eyodwa noma ezimbili ezihlukene akwanele ukuphetha ngokuthi umona ukhona. Qaphela uma bephuma izindawo ezithile (impumelelo yomsebenzi, ubudlelwano, imali, isithombe somzimba, ubudlelwano bomphakathi) futhi uma ziphindaphindwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.
Hlukanisa umona, ukungathandi kanye nesimo sengqondo
Ukuthi othile usabela ngomdlandla omncane akusho umona ngokuzenzakalelayo. Hlola ama-hypotheses futhi ugweme ukuchema kokuqinisekisa. Zibuze: Ingabe lowo muntu unje? nami kanye nabanyeIngabe uphendula ngentshiseko kwabanye izingqikithi futhi abanye abakwenzi, kuye ngokuthi yabo izithakazeloUma ukubanda kwakho kuguquguquka futhi kuzinzile, kungenzeka isimo somoya (ukuvezwa okuncane), hhayi ubutha.
Umona ngokuvamile ukukhetha ngezindawo: Bangase bakubuze ngomlingani wakho, kodwa bangalokothi ngezifundo zakho; noma bangabungaza ukuhlekisa kwakho, kodwa bagweme ukukhushulwa kwakho. Iphinde iyahlukahluka kuye ngokuthi umuntu phambili: : ingasebenza nawe, kodwa hhayi nabanye. Sesha ukungahambisani y amaphethini aphindayo ngaphambi kokuphetha.
1) Funda ukulalela intuition yethu
Intuition yiyona ithuluzi elidala kakhulu lolwazi esinakho futhi sitholakala ku-cerebellum. Izibonakalisa ngokusabela komzimba esivame ukukuzwa esiswini (nakuba nakwezinye izingxenye zomzimba). Kufana ne-alamu yangaphakathi. Abesifazane bavame ukwamukela ngokukhethekile lezi zimpawu ngezizathu ezihlukahlukene, kuhlanganise ukuzwela umongo womzweloKodwa-ke, sivame ukungayinaki le mizwa ngenxa yokwehlukana kwamasiko phakathi ingqondo y umzimba.
Ekusebenzelaneni, intuition ithola ukungezwani phakathi kwezwi nokungakhulumiOmunye angase athi, "Ngikujabulele," kuyilapho ithoni noma ukuthinta kwakhe kusikisela okunye. Intuition ayinikezi isizathu esiqondile, kodwa ikhombisa ukuthi kukhona okubalulekile ukuqaphela. Kanye nesignali yomzimba, uphawu ngokuvamile luvela imizwa imnene (i-malaise, ukudideka, ukucasuka).
Indlela yokuthuthukisa intuition? Nikeza isonto ukubukela imizwa yomzimba y imizwelo ezimweni ezehlukene. Zibuze: Ngizizwa kanjani ngalo muntu? Ingabe ngiyayiqaphela imizwa noma imizwelo yomzimba? Ngizizwa kanjani ngemva kwalokho? Itholakala kuphi emzimbeni wami? Yisebenzise njenge ulwazi lokuqondisa, hhayi njengomusho: ukwethuka kwakho kungase kuvele komunye umuntu, kuwena, noma ngenxa yokuguquguquka phakathi kwenu nobabili.
2) Ukusebenzisa lokhu emona
Ukuthi umuntu osondelene naye akabi nomdlandla kakhulu uma izinto zikuhambela kahle kungase kube ngenxa yalokho umona, kepha futhi ukuze amathemba aphezulu ngokwengxenye yakho, kuwe ukunqamula ngokubaluleka kokusekela kwabo kuwe, njengoba ngidlula a isigaba esinzima uya amagqubu angaphambili okungaxazululiwe. Okunye okungenzeka ukuthi indlela yakho yokuxhumana ipaki futhi akumeleli ukunganeliseki.
Uma "i-alamu yakho yangaphakathi" ikhala, ungayizibi. Kuthathe njengophawu ukuze ubone kangcono.Ngesikhathi esifanayo, khumbula ukuthi umona ungavela ezindaweni eziningi: impumelelo yobuchwepheshe, isimo somnotho, ukukhanga ngokomzimba, ukuhlakanipha, umbhangqwana, ukuxhumana nabantu, ngisho wena amandla o ithemba. Thola kuyiphi indawo ukungqubuzana kuvela.
3) Ukubheka: hlola i-hypothesis
Uma usulungise kahle ukulalela kwakho, isinyathelo esilandelayo sithi qaphela ngendlela. Sesha ukungahambisani okuqinisekisa noma ukuphika intuition: ingabe usabela ngendlela efanayo lapho impumelelo ingeyakho njengalapho ingeyomunye umuntu? Ingabe kuba kubi kakhulu uma kukhona izethameli? Ingabe kuyavela amahlaya abhuqayo o ukunciphisa ngemva kwezimpumelelo zakho, kodwa hhayi ezihlokweni ezingathathi hlangothi?
Gwema ifayela le- isiqinisekiso sokukhetha. Futhi bhalisa ngaphandle (uma isekela, lapho igubha). Yakha a i-matrix elula ukuqaphela emavikini ambalwa: izimo, ingqikithi, abantu abakhona, ukusabela ngamazwi/okungakhulumi. Lesi sithombe sisonke sizothembeka kakhulu kunombono owodwa.
Ngokwesibonelo, zibuze: “Yiziphi izici zokuphila kwami lapho ngiqaphela khona ukungabaza? Kukho konke noma okunye nje? Kwenzeka kimi kuphela? noma nabanye? Ingabe kuyehluka ngokusho osilalelayo? ".
Khumbula: uma umuntu ehlala engaqondakali nge wonke umuntu nakho konke, cishe sikhuluma ngayo ubuntuUma zizamula uma ukhuluma ngama-seahorses futhi ujabule ngezimoto zomjaho, kunjalo isithakazelo, hhayi umona.
4) I-Metacommunication: ukukhuluma ngokwenzeka phakathi kwethu
I-Metacommunication khuluma ngobudlelwanoUma ufuna ukususa noma yikuphi ukungabaza, isikhathi sesifikile khuluma ngokukhululekile ngendlela ozizwa ngayo kanye nalokho okubonile. Izimo ezingaba khona:
- Umuntu kuvuma umonaAkuvamile, kodwa kuyasho amandla kanye nentshisekelo ebudlelwaneni.
- Ukuphakama ulwazi olusha (ukugcwala ngokweqile, usizi, ukudangala, izingxabano zangaphambilini) futhi uyihlela kabusha ngokuthi ukungaqondi. Izindlela zokulungisa ziyavuleka.
- Ukuphendula ukuzivikela okukhulu futhi ngaphandle kwencazelo ehambisanayo. Ngokuvamile kubonisa imizwa okunzima ukukuvuma, ngezinye izikhathi umona.
Lapho uxoxa, zama: ukuchaza amaqiniso abonakalayo, khuluma ngomuntu wokuqala (“Ngiyezwa…”), buza ukusebenzisana (“Yini esingayenza ukuze sisekelane kangcono?”) bese uvuma imikhawulo uma zivela amahlaya alimazayo o ukungafaneleki kuphindiwe.
Ungakugwema kanjani ukuthintwa abantu abanomona
Ukuzihlanganisa nabantu abanomona kungenzeka qeda inhlalakahleEminye imihlahlandlela ewusizo:
- Mzwele ngaphandle kokuthethelela ukuhlukunyezwa: qonda ukuthi unomona uyahlupheka ayikuphoqi ukuba ubekezelele ukungahloniphi.
- Khuluma ngokucacile: buza ukuthi kwenzekani, veza okubonayo futhi bheka izixazululo ethize.
- Ungazithatheli mathupha: kuvame ukuzizonda. Vikela okwakho ukuzihlonipha.
- Beka imikhawulo: ungabekezeleli amazwi alulazayo noma ukucekela phansi. Chaza imiphumela uma ivela futhi.
- Suka uma kunesidingo: Uma inkhulumomphendvulwano, ukuzwelana nozwelo kungasebenzi, beka kuqala okwakho impilo yengqondo.
- Zizungeze ngokusekela:abantu wena inani ukusiza ukuthola umbono.
- Hlola amanxeba akho: Uma kukuthinta ngokweqile, cabanga i-terapia ukuqinisa izinsiza zakho.
Uma unomuzwa womona: okhiye bokuwuguqula
Umona umzwelo womuntu kanye nendawo yonke. Ukuzizwa akukwenzi "umuntu omubi"; kuyi-a isignali yezidingo ezingahlangatshezwana nazo. Imihlahlandlela esebenzayo:
- zamukele wena: igugu ini ukhona futhi unakhoUkuqhathanisa njalo kuyahlanekezela.
- Chaza izinguquko eziphathekayo: Yini ongathanda ukuyithuthukisa? isitimela imikhuba ehambisana naleyo nhloso.
- Fisela okuhle kwabanye: ukuwenza buthaka ukucasuka futhi iqinisa izibopho.
- Khetha impendulo yakho: Lapho unomuzwa womona, nquma indlela yokwenza (ukuncoma, ukufunda, isenzo).
- Ukutuswa kwesitimela: iguqulela ukuqhathanisa kube ngikhuthaze, hhayi phakathi ncintisana nami.
- Thuthukisa amandla akho: sinakho sonke amandla lapho kwakhiwe khona.
- Prakthiza ukubonga: a nsuku zonke okufushane ngosuku kunciphisa ukushoda okubonwayo.
- Yiba nentshisekelo empumelelweni yabanye abantu: babuze bakwenza kanjani futhi ufunde ohlelweni lwabo.
Ngomunye umbono, zibuze:yisiphi isimo noma imfanelo Lo mona ungikhomba ukuthi ngifuna ukushintsha? Yini eyakho imvelaphi okwangempela? Ingabe le phethini iyaphindwa? Shintsha uphawu ekuthandeni, funda uku ujabulele ngalokho onakho, ihlanganisa (akekho ophelele) futhi ulungisa izinkolelo ohlotsheni oluthi “ukuba bengino-X, ngingajabula”.
"Umona mubi ngokuphindwe kayinkulungwane kunendlala ngoba yindlala kamoya."
– Miguel de Unamuno –
Imibuzo yokukhomba umona ngaphandle kokwenza izinqumo ezisheshayo
Ngaphambi kokuba uphethe ngokuthi kunomona, hlola le mibuzo ngokwethembeka:
- Yini engiyizwayo emzimbeni wami? uma ngabelana ngezimpumelelo zami nalo muntu?
- Kuziphi izindawo Ngiyakubona ukuntula kwakho ukwesekwa empilweni yami? Ingabe kuyenzeka futhi?
- Ingabe iziphatha ngendlela efanayo? nabanye abantu nakwezinye izimo?
- Ingabe zikhona izici zesimo (ingcindezi, usizi, ukugcwala) okuchaza isimo sakho sengqondo?
- Sengikhulumile? ngokusobala nalo muntu ngendlela engizizwa ngayo?
Imephu Yesiginali: Kusuka Kokusikisela Okuthambile kuya Ekuqinisekiseni
Ukuze ugweme ukuhunyushwa ngokungeyikho, ungacabanga ngezimpawu njenge okuqhubekayo:
- Izimpawu ezincane: ukusebenza kahle okuncane, ukuphawula okungacacile, iziphazamiso ezivela kuma-milestone akho.
- Amaphethini aphakathi nendawo: ukuncishiswa okuphindaphindiwe, ukubhuqa, ukuhoxiswa kosekelo ngezikhathi ezibalulekile.
- Ubufakazi obunamandla: ukucekela phansi, ukwehlisa isithunzi, ukugujwa kokwehluleka, ukuqhuma kwe ira.
Uma ama-elementi amaningi eqhubekela ezingeni lesi-3 futhi lapho ephindwa khona, kulapho akhula khona amathuba ukuthi kunomona ohilelekile.
Umhlahlandlela omfushane wokuxhumana nemingcele
Uma unquma ukuba nengxoxo, ungasebenzisa lolu hlaka njengesiqondiso:
- Descripción iqiniso elingathathi hlangothi: "Ngesikhathi ngabelana ngo-A futhi ngizwa u-B..."
- Umthelela womuntu: "Ngazizwa ngidabukile, ngididekile)."
- Isidingo: “Kungangisiza ukuthi u-D (sigubhe ndawonye, sigweme amahlaya ngo-X).”
- Isivumelwano: "Singazama lokhu futhi sibuyekeze emasontweni amabili?"
Uma kungekho ukuvulwa, setha u-a umkhawulo: “Uma amazwana X ebuya, Ngizoyimisa ingxoxo noma mina Ngizosuka okwesikhashana." Ukuvikela ubuqotho bakho bomzwelo a ukuzibophezela.
Izimpawu ezinemininingwane ye-radar ecolekileyo
Ukuqedela i-radar, ihlanganisa ukuziphatha okuchazwe kakhulu ezincwadini zakamuva zezokwelapha nezidumile:
- Bacisha inkohliso yakho: Ngokuhlelekile basusa ukufaneleka. Umgomo wabo uwukuthi ukulinganisa kusuka ngezansi.
- Bagxeka esidlangalaleni: bafuna ukukuvezela nciphisa ukukhanya kwakho ngaphambi kwabanye.
- Umgubho ngobuzenzisi: ukushukuma komzimba noma ukumamatheka ngenkani lokho kuphikisana nenkulumo.
- Bayakugwema ukukweseka noma zivimbele imigomo yakho nge izithiyo ezicashile.
- Baqongelela izinzuzo"Ngaphandle kwami ubungeke uphumelele."
- Baphazamisa intuthuko yakho: ukwehlisa isithunzi, ukuduba, hlwanyela ukungabaza kubantu besithathu.
- Nyamalala lapho unqoba; bayabuya lapho usengozini.
- Bayabubula noma ukusabalala amahemuhemu.
- Bayakuqhathanisa ukukala ukubaluleka kwazo.
- Bafisa ukukhubeka kwakho noma baphila ngokukhululeka.
- Benza ihaba ngezimpumelelo zabo ukunxephezela ukungavikeleki.
- Bayajabula ngamaphutha akho futhi uhlanganise impumelelo yakho.
- Badonsa ukukhungatheka y i-inferiority complexes ukuthi baveze kuwe.
Njengoba ubona, akukhona ukuziphatha okukodwa, kodwa a Conjunto okufanele ihlolwe kuyo umongo wobudlelwano.
Amanothi okuzazi nokuziqhathanisa nomphakathi
Ukuziqhathanisa nathi kuyingxenye ye ukuzethemba: Siyaqonda ukuthi singobani ngokubheka abanye. Lesi siqhathaniso singashayela Justicia y ukufunda, kodwa futhi ukondle umona lapho i ukuzihlonipha uzizwa esongelwa. Uma uthola ukuthi isiqhathaniso siyalimaza, lungisa imithetho yomdlalo: Yehlisa ukuchayeka kuzinto ezivusa amadlingozi, khetha amamodeli angokoqobo nokuzijwayeza imigomo yakho elilinganiswa ngentuthuko yakho, hhayi eyabanye.
Uhlu lokuhlola olusheshayo lwempilo yansuku zonke
- Ngaphambi ukwabelana ngempumelelo: ingabe lo muntu ngokuvamile ngisekele o nginciphise?
- I-Durante inkulumo: qaphela ithoni, amehlo kanye microgestures. Nakhu ukuvumelana ngamazwi akho?
- Ngemuva: Uzizwa unjani emzimbeni wakho? Ingabe lokhu kwenzeka ngokuphindaphindiwe? iphethini naye?
- Acción: nquma ukuthi kufanelekile metacommunicate, beka imikhawulo o thatha ibanga.
Ngiyethemba le ndatshana ilusizo kuwe. Siyabonga ngokufunda kwakho futhi Ngithemba ukusabela okuningi okuvela kuwe!
nguJasmine Murga.
Uma ekugcineni unomuzwa wokuthi unemephu ecace kakhudlwana, kungenxa yokuthi uhlangene intuition, ukubonwa, i-metacommunication y imikhawuloNgale khampasi, uzokwazi ukuhlukanisa kangcono umona kwezinye izinto eziguquguqukayo, uvikele inhlalakahle yakho, futhi uguqule ukuqhathanisa kube ukufunda okuwusizo kokukhula ngobudlelwano obuthembekile nobunakekelayo.