Ukulalela Okusebenzayo: Umhlahlandlela Ophelele Onokuzivocavoca Kokuthuthukisa Ubudlelwano Bakho

Sivame ukuthatha kalula ukuthi siyazi ukuthi silalele kanjani ngoba nje sazi ukuthi sikhuluma kanjani noma ngoba sibona imisindo. Kodwa-ke, kunomehluko omkhulu phakathi kokuzwa nokulalela . Ukuzwa kuyisenzo esingenzi lutho, ikhono lemvelo lokubona izinto ezishukumisa umsindo. Ukulalela ngenkuthalo kuyisenzo esiqondayo nesinokuzithandela lapho senza khona isinqumo sokuqonda imiyalezo yesikhulumi, sihumushe umyalezo womlomo, ithoni, kanye nolimi olungewona olomlomo lomunye umuntu ukuze siqonde incazelo yalo ejulile.

Ukulalela ngenkuthalo kumayelana nokubekezela ; izilaleli akufanele ziphazamise ngemibuzo noma ukuphawula ngokuxhamazela. Kuhilela ukunikeza omunye umuntu isikhathi sokuhlola imicabango nemizwa yakhe, kumnike isikhathi esanele sokucubungula nokuveza imibono yakhe ngaphandle kokuzizwa ecindezelwe.

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Ukulalela ngenkuthalo: isihluthulelo sokuxhumana okuphumelelayo kanye nobudlelwano obujulile

Ukulalela kuyikhono elibalulekile lokuxhumana, njengoba sichitha u-70-80% wamahora ethu okuvuka sixhumana ngandlela thile. Naphezu kwalokhu, iningi lethu liyizilaleli ezimpofu futhi ezingaphumeleli kahle. Abantu abaningi abazona izilaleli ezinhle, ngakho-ke kubalulekile ukusebenza ekulaleleni ngenkuthalo ukuze kukhuthazwe ukuxhumana okuphumelelayo futhi kuvinjelwe izingxoxo ekubeni nje ukushintshana ngolwazi.

Ukulalela ngenkuthalo kuyikhono lokulalela umlayezo isikhulumi esisinika wona, senze umzamo oqotho wokunaka, silandele ingxoxo, futhi siqonde ngokujulile lokho esikushoyo. Akukhona nje ukugcina amagama engqondweni, kodwa futhi kuwukuqonda wonke umyalezo kanye nemizwa ehambisana nawo.

Ngokombono wengqondo, lawa masu asekelwe emsebenzini kaCarl Rogers , owaguqula ubudlelwano phakathi kochwepheshe bezokwelapha nesiguli ngokusekelwe ekulaleleni okuzwelana nabo . URogers wagcizelela ukuthi ukwelashwa kwakusebenza kahle kakhulu lapho udokotela ekwazi ukuzibeka ezicathulweni zesiguli futhi agxile endleleni isiguli esibhekane ngayo nesimo saso, ngaphandle kokwahlulela.

Ukuba isilaleli esikhuthele kudinga ukugxila okukhulu nokuzimisela . Kuhilela ukugxila ekunakeni kwakho kumuntu, ukugwema iziphazamiso, nokumelana nesilingo sokwakha izimpikiswano eziphikisayo ngenkathi omunye umuntu esakhuluma. Uma sigxila endleleni esizophendula ngayo, siqala ukungasinaki ingxenye yomyalezo.

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Ngokuvamile, umkhuba wokulalela ngenkuthalo ugxila ezicini ezinhlanu eziyisisekelo:

• Naka ngempela kumkhulumeli.
• Bonisa ukuthi ulalele ngezibonakaliso zomlomo nezingezona ezomlomo.
• nikeza impendulo ezanele.
• Ungenzi izahlulelo zenani ngenkathi ulalele.
• Phendula ngokufanele uma umthumeli eseqedile.

Izinhlobo zokulalela

Ukuze sithuthukise amakhono ethu okuxhumana, kuyasiza ukuqaphela ukuthi asilaleli ngendlela efanayo ngaso sonke isikhathi. Kunezinhlobo ezine eziyinhloko zokulalela:

1. Ukulalela ngozwela: Yilapho silalela khona ukuze siqonde. Ukugxila kugxile komunye umuntu kanye nemizwa yakhe, hhayi kithi ngokwethu. Lesi yisisekelo sokulalela ngenkuthalo.
2. Ukulalela ngokwazisa: Kwenzeka lapho silalela ukuze sijabule, njengalapho sijabulela umculo, isikhulumi esikhuthazayo, noma umcimbi wenkolo.
3. Ukulalela okusebenzayo: Kwenzeka uma silalela ukuze sifunde okuthile okusha, njengakwi-podcast, ikilasi lemfundo, noma izindaba.
4. Lalela ukugxekwa: Lokhu kwenzeka lapho silalela ukuze sakhe umbono noma sihlole ukuthi lokho okushiwoyo kuyiqiniso yini, njengasempikiswaneni noma lapho silalele umthengisi.

Izinzuzo zokulalela okusebenzayo

Ukulalela ngenkuthalo kunezinzuzo ezinkulu ezithinta impilo yengqondo kanye nekhwalithi yobudlelwano. Ezinye zeziphawuleka kakhulu yilezi:

• Yakha ukwethembana phakathi kwabantu: Kuthuthukisa ubuqotho futhi kuvumela abanye ukuthi bavuleke ngokomzwelo ngokuzizwa bephephile futhi bengahlulelwa.
• Yandisa umbono wakho: Kusenza sifunde ukuthi abanye babona kanjani izinto, kwephule imingcele yemicabango yethu.
• Kuthuthukisa ukubekezela: Ukuthuthukisa leli khono kudinga isikhathi nomzamo, okusifundisa ukulinda ngaphandle kokwahlulela.
• Khulisa ukuzwela kanye nozwela: Uzozizwa uxhumene kakhulu nabanye kanye nemizwa yakho.
• Ikhono nolwazi oluthe xaxa: Ukuba yisilaleli esihle kukwenza usebenze kahle futhi ube nekhono kunoma iyiphi indawo yokuphila, njengoba ubamba ulwazi olusezingeni eliphezulu.
• Yonga isikhathi nemali: Kunciphisa ukungaqondani kanye namaphutha abizayo, kuvimbela isidingo sokuphinda imisebenzi ngenxa yemiyalelo echazwe kabi.
• Ukutholwa kwezinkinga kanye nesixazululo: Ikuvumela ukuthi ubone ukuthi abanye bacabangani, ikwenze kube lula ukuxazulula izingxabano ngaphambi kokuba ziqhubeke.
• Umthelela Empilweni Yengqondo: Izifundo, njengalezo zikaDkt. Johannes Zimmerman, zibonisa ukuthi ukushintsha kusuka ku-"Mina" kuya ku-"thina" kusiza ekunciphiseni izingxabano zemizwa ezihlobene ukucindezeleka kanye ukukhathazekaukusungula imingcele yezenhlalo enempilo.

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Ukuzivocavoca ukuthuthukisa ukulalela okusebenzayo

Ukuze uthuthukise amakhono akho okulalela, kubalulekile ukushintsha kusuka kwethiyori uye kokuzijwayeza. Nazi izivivinyo eziningi kanye namasu anemininingwane:

Amasu okukhuluma nokuqonda

• Phindaphinda lokho abakutshela kona: Kuhilela ukuphinda ubhale umyalezo ngamazwi akho ukuqinisekisa ukuqonda. Isibonelo: "Ngakho-ke, ufuna sakhe isikole esisha ngesitayela sakudala?"
• Izinkulumo ezimfushane: Ukuqinisa okuncane okubonisa ukuba khona. Isibonelo: “Ngiyabonga ngokuthatha isikhathi sokukhuluma nami.”
• Buza imibuzo evulekile: Bayagwema izimpendulo ezithi yebo noma cha futhi bakhuthaza ukwandisa umyalezo. Isibonelo: "Ngiyaqonda ukuthi awujabuli ngemoto yakho entsha. Yiziphi izinguquko esingazenza?"
• Buza imibuzo ethile: Ukucacisa idatha ethile. Isibonelo: "Bangaki abasebenzi owabaqasha ngonyaka odlule?"
• Khuluma ngezimo ezifanayo: Ukudala uzwela, kodwa ngaphandle kokweba ukugqama. Isibonelo: "Ngangisesimweni esifanayo ngemuva kokuba inkampani yami yangaphambilini ingenze ngaxoshwa emsebenzini."
• Fingqa amaphuzu abalulekile: Kuwusizo kakhulu ezingxoxweni noma emihlanganweni yamaqembu ukuqinisekisa ukuthi wonke umuntu usesimweni esifanayo.
• Bheka abantu bekhuluma: Qaphela labo abavame ukungahlanganyeli, njengomsizi okhuthaza ilungu leqembu elithule ukuthi labelane ngemibono yalo.
• Ukuvumelanisa okungenazwi: Hlala ubheke emehlweni kahle bese unqekuzisa ikhanda lakho ukuze uqinisekise ukuthi isikhulumi sisebenza kahle.
• Ukuhlaziywa kolimi olungewona owezwi: Naka kokubili ulimi lomzimba wakho kanye nolwabanye ngesikhathi sokuxoxisana.

Imidlalo yokuqeqesha kanye nemidlalo yokuqeqesha yamaqembu

• Ibhasi: Indaba lapho kunikezwa khona idatha yezinombolo (abagibeli begibela futhi behla), kodwa umbuzo wokugcina uthi: "Umshayeli ugqoka usayizi ongakanani wezicathulo?" Impendulo ilula uma uzwe umusho wokuqala: "Zicabange ushayela ibhasi."
• Indoda Eyimpumputhe: Umuntu ovalwe amehlo kumele ahambe endleleni yokuvimbela eqondiswa kuphela yiziqondiso zomlomo ezivela eqenjini lakhe, eqeqesha ukunakwa okukhethekile kanye nokwethenjwa.
• Ukulalela Okukhethayo vs. Okusebenzayo: Iqembu lihlukaniswe kabili. Iqembu A licelwa ukuba libale ukuthi igama elithile (isib. "la") lizwakala kangaki, kuyilapho iQembu B lilalela indaba kuphela. Ekugcineni, iQembu B liphendula imibuzo mayelana nokuqukethwe kangcono, okubonisa ukuthi ukulalela okukhethayo kudlula ukuqonda okuphelele.
• Ngitshele indaba yakho: Ngababili, umuntu oyedwa ulandisa indaba enenjongo kanti omunye kumele ayiphinde, efaka imininingwane kanye nemizwa. Lokhu kusiza ekuqeqesheni uzwela kanye nokugcina.
• Isibuko Somzimba: Ngesikhathi omunye umuntu ekhuluma, omunye ubonisa ngokungabonakali ukuma kwakhe, ukushukuma komzimba, kanye nezwi lakhe. Lokhu kukhulisa ukuxhumana okujulile kanye nomuzwa wokuqondana.
• Igama Eliyisihluthulelo: Abahlanganyeli kumele benze isenzo esivunyelwene ngaso njalo lapho bezwa igama elithile endabeni, beqeqesha ukugxilisa ingqondo okuqhubekayo.
• Ucingo Oluphukile: Hlebela umlayezo wochungechunge ukuze ubone ukuthi ulwazi luhlanekezelwa kanjani, uqokomise ukubaluleka kokunemba ekulaleleni.

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Amathiphu okuba umlaleli okhuthele

Uma ufuna ukuhlanganisa ukulalela okusebenzayo empilweni yakho yansuku zonke, landela lezi ziqondiso ezinemininingwane:

1. Ukuxhumana kwamehlo nolimi lomzimba

Bheka isikhulumi bese uqhubeka nokuxhumana emehlweni. Ukuphazanyiswa yifoni yakho ephathekayo kuwukungahloniphi futhi kuphula ukuxhumana. Ukuxhumana emehlweni kuyisithako esiyisisekelo sokuxhumana okuphumelelayo. Khumbula ukuthi amahloni, ukungaqiniseki, noma ezinye izinto ezingavunyelwe ngamasiko kungathonya indlela okhuluma ngayo, kodwa ukugcina ukuma okuvulekile nokubhekana nesikhulumi kuveza ukutholakala ngokomzwelo.

2. Ukuphatha ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo

Ukunaka nokukhululeka kusho ukuqaphela amandla okuxhumana okungenazwi . Kumelwe uzivikele ngengqondo emsindweni wangaphandle, futhi ngaphezu kwakho konke, emicabangweni yakho, emizweni yakho, noma ekubandlululeni. Ungagxili ekukhulumeni noma ekushukumeni kwesikhulumi kuze kube yilapho kuba yisiphazamiso esikudonsela kude nomyalezo.

3. Gcina ingqondo evulekile nengahluleli

Lalela ngaphandle kokugxeka ngengqondo. Uma into oyizwayo ikwethusa, vumela ukuthi uzizwe ukhathazekile, kodwa gwema ukuzitshela ukuthi, "Leso kwakuyisenzo esiwubuwula." Lapho nje usahlulela, ubeka engcupheni ukusebenza kwakho njengomlaleli . Ungasheshi ufinyelele eziphethweni noma uphazamise ukuze uqedele imisho yomunye umuntu; khumbula ukuthi isikhulumi sihumusha imizwa yaso ngamazwi, futhi ngokulalela kuphela lapho uzothola khona incazelo yangempela.

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4. Ukuhlonipha isikhathi nokuthula

Ungaphazamisi. Ukuphazamisa kuthumela imiyalezo engemihle njengokuthi, "Ngibaluleke kakhulu kunawe" noma "Anginaso isikhathi sombono wakho." Sonke sicubungula ulwazi ngesivinini esihlukene. Uma ungumuntu ocabanga ngokushesha, unesibopho sokunciphisa ijubane ukuze uvumelane nomuntu ocabanga kakhulu noma onenkinga yokuziveza. Vumela ukuthula; ngokuvamile, kulapho omunye umuntu efaka khona ulwazi olubaluleke kakhulu.

5. Ukucaciswa nokuqinisekiswa

Uma ungaqondi okuthile, cela ukucaciselwa, kodwa linda isikhulumi sime kancane. Sebenzisa imishwana efana nokuthi, "Yima kancane, angikuqondanga kahle lokho osanda kukusho..." Bese ufingqa lokho okuqondile ukuze omunye umuntu abone ukuthi uyanaka futhi akwazi ukulungisa noma yikuphi ukungaqondani.

Ukulalela ngenkuthalo ezimweni ezithile

Emibhangqwaneni nasebudlelwaneni bomuntu siqu

Ebudlelwaneni obuseduze, ukulalela ngenkuthalo umehluko phakathi kwemibhangqwana ekhula ndawonye nalabo abahlukanayo. Ukwehluleka okuningi kwenzeka ngoba silalela ukuze sinqobe impikiswano esikhundleni sokuqonda ubuhlungu bomunye umuntu. Ukuze kuthuthukiswe lokhu, kunconywa izivivinyo ezifana nalezi ezilandelayo:

• Indawo Engenazo Izixazululo: Beka eceleni imizuzu eyi-10 lapho ilungu elilodwa lihlanganyela khona ukukhungatheka kanti elinye lihlanganyela ukukhungatheka inikeza uzwela kuphelangaphandle kokunikeza iseluleko noma izixazululo. Ngezinye izikhathi, umuntu udinga nje ukuzwiwa, hhayi usizo.
• Umdlalo Wokuqamba Imizwa: Siza umbhangqwana ukuthi ucacise ukuthi uzizwa “ukhathele”, “ukhungathekile” noma “ukhathele” yini, ngaleyo ndlela wakhe isilulumagama esivamile esingokomzwelo.
• Indlela Yokwenza Izinto: Ngesikhathi sokungqubuzana, umuntu ophethe into uyayeka ukukhuluma kanti omunye akakwazi ukuphazamisa kuze kube yilapho isikhulumi siqinisekisa ukuthi siyaqondakele.

Emsebenzini kanye namaqembu asebenza kahle kakhulu

Emsebenzini, ukulalela ngenkuthalo kuyindlela enamandla ekhuthaza ukubambisana kanye nokusungula izinto ezintsha. Emaqenjini asebenza kahle kakhulu, kuvumela imibono eyahlukene ukuthi ihlanganiswe ekwenzeni izinqumo. Izinzuzo zifaka:

• Ukukhiqiza okuphezulu: Ngokuqonda kangcono imiyalelo, amaphutha kanye nokulungiswa kabusha kuyancishiswa.
• Ubuholi obuphumelelayo: Abaholi abalalela ngenkuthalo bakhuthaza ukwethembana futhi benze iqembu labo lizizwe libalulekile, okunciphisa ukuvela kwamakhono.
• Ukuxazulula ukungqubuzana: Ikuvumela ukuthi ubone izinto ezikukhathazayo zangempela ngaphambi kokuba zibe yizingxabano zomuntu siqu.

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Amaphutha avamile okufanele siwagweme

Ukuze ube isilaleli esivelele, kubalulekile ukuhlonza nokuqeda imikhuba ekhathazayo:

• Ukuphazamisa ukulungisa imininingwane emincane: Ukubeka phambili ukunemba kweqiniso kunemizwa yendaba kuyaphula ukuxhumana.
• Phendukisa ingxoxo ibe ngawe: Ukusebenzisa indaba yomunye umuntu njengebhuloho lokuxoxa eyethu ("Into efanayo yenzeke kimi...") ngokushesha kakhulu kungenza isikhulumi sizizwe singanakwa.
• Nciphisa imizwa: Imisho efana nokuthi “Akuyona into enkulu kangako” noma “Ungakhathazeki” yenza kungabi yiqiniso okuhlangenwe nakho kwabanye abantu.
• Lalela kuphela ukuze uphendule: Ukulungiselela impendulo yakho ngengqondo ngenkathi omunye umuntu ekhuluma kuyindlela ukulalela kancane.

Amasu athuthukile okuphila kwansuku zonke

Ukwenza izinguquko ezincane endleleni yakho yokuphila kungashintsha ikhwalithi yobudlelwano bakho:

• Ukuma Kwemizuzwana Emithathu: Linda imizuzwana emithathu ngemva kokuba omunye umuntu eqedile ukukhuluma. Lokhu kuphazamisa ukusabela okuzenzakalelayo futhi kumvumela ukuthi engeze imininingwane ebaluleke ngempela.
• Isichasiselo Esifushane: Phendula ngendlela ecacile nemfushane: "Uma ngikuqonda kahle, uphatheke kabi ngokuthi awuzange waziswa." Lokhu kuvimbela izingxabano futhi kuvumela omunye umuntu ukuthi acacise imizwa yakhe (isib., "Akuyona intukuthelo, ukudumala").
• Umzuzu Owodwa Ngaphandle Kokuphazamiseka: Prakthiza nomuntu oseduze nawe lapho umuntu oyedwa ekhuluma umzuzu wonke kanti omunye ulalele nje, efingqa ekugcineni ngomusho owodwa.
• Ukusetshenziswa kwegama elithi "Mina" empendulweni: Uma sekuyithuba lakho lokukhuluma, veza imizwa yakho ngokombono wakho: "Ngizizwa ngikhungathekile uma ungasizi endlini," esikhundleni sokuhlasela ngokuthi "Awusizi."

Ukwazi ukulalela ngenkuthalo akudingi ukuphelela okusheshayo, kodwa kunalokho kudinga ukuba khona okuqhubekayo . Ngokuhlanganisa ukuqinisekiswa ngokomzwelo, inhlonipho yokuthula, kanye nelukuluku langempela ngezwe langaphakathi labanye, siguqula ukuxhumana kube isenzo sokunakekela nenhlonipho. Lezi zenzo ezilula, njengokubeka ifoni yakho eceleni noma ukubuza umbuzo ovulekile, yizona ezakha ngempela ukusondelana nokusebenza kahle kunoma yiluphi ubudlelwano bomuntu.

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