Iqiniso ukuthi sonke siyathanda ukuba nezinto zethu. Akudingeki ukuthi ube yingcweti noma isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo ukuze wazi ngokunamathiselwe abantu abakwaziyo ukuzwa ngezinto zabo ezibonakalayo.
Kuvamile ukuthi kwenzeke, ikakhulukazi uma sisebenze kanzima ukuzithola noma uma sizwa uhlobo oluthile lokunamathisela komuntu siqu kulokho okuthile ngoba kushiyelwe umuntu esimkhathalelayo noma onenani elikhulu lokuzwela thina. Kodwa-ke, kwesinye isikhathi siyajabula kakhulu noma sinamathele ezintweni ezibonakalayo, futhi indlela yethu yokuphila ayisivumeli ukuba sabelane ngayo nabanye. Lokhu kungenzeka kungabi njalo kuphela lapho sikhuluma ngezinto ezibonakalayo. Ubugovu bungenzeka ezicini eziningi zokuphila kwethu kwansuku zonke.
Lapho siseyizingane, ngokuvamile siziphatha ngobugovu. Akukona ukuthi izingane zinobugovu ngokwemvelo kude nakho, kepha zinamathele kakhulu kuthuku lokuyinhloko lokugcina izinto ezibona ukuthi zingezabo.
Uma sizinika isikhathi, singabasiza babe nomusa kakhulu futhi babe nozwelo. Kodwa-ke, ngezinye izikhathi ingane ikhula ibe umuntu onobugovu ngezindlela ezingaphezu kweyodwa. Kulesi sihloko, sizohlola ubugovu kanye nohlangothi lwabo olubi, kanye nezindlela zokubhekana nabo nokubhekana nabo uma kudingeka.
Okokuqala, ake sichaze ubugovu
Incazelo yaleli gama isitshela lokho ubugovu uthando olwedlulele nolubonakalayo umuntu angazizwa ngalo kuphela kuyeLokhu kubangela ukuthi lowo muntu azizwe enesithakazelo esigxile kuye kuphela nasezintweni ezizungezile, alahlekelwe yisithakazelo ngokuphelele kwabanye abantu abasendaweni yakhe.
Kungaba into encane, njengendlela yokuba nesithakazelo Nakuba lokhu kuziphatha kungase kubakhathaze labo abaseduze nabo, kungabekezelelwa njengengxenye yokuziphatha kwabo; noma kungaba njengohlobo lokugula olwenza umuntu angakwazi nhlobo ukucabanga nganoma yini enye ngaphandle kwakhe. Lokhu kuyisandulela sezifo zengqondo zangempela kanye nokuziphatha kwezenhlalo uma kuhlanganiswa nezinye izici zobuntu.
Lo mqondo uvela egameni elithi ego, elibhekisela emqondweni umuntu anawo ngaye ngokwakhe lapho eqaphela "uqobo lwakhe." I-ego iqondwa njengaleyo exhumanisa phakathi kweqiniso nomhlaba ongokoqobo, futhi ihlanganisa izifiso nemibono yomuntu ohilelekile. I-ego elinganiselayo ivumela umuntu ukuba azinakekele ngaphandle kokunganaki inhlalakahle yabanye; i-ego ekhukhumele ivame ukuholela ekuziphatheni kobugovu ngokusobala.
Ngakho-ke, singasho ukuthi ubugovu buphambene ngokuphelele nokuzinikela, okuqukethe okokuqala nokubaluleke kakhulu ukudela inhlalakahle yakho (noma okungenani ukwehlisa ukubaluleka kwayo) ukuze ugxile futhi ufeze inhlalakahle yabanye. Ngamanye amazwi, ukufuna okuhle kwabanye esikhundleni sokuzifunela okuhlePhakathi kwalezi zindlela ezimbili eziqine kakhulu kunezinhlobo eziningi zezici ezihlukile, njengalokho okubizwa ngokuthi "ubugovu obuhle" noma "ubugovu obunempilo", esizoxoxa ngakho kamuva.
Empilweni yansuku zonke, ubugovu bubonakala ezinqumweni ezincane nezinkulu: kusukela ukusizakala ngesimo ukuze uhlale uphumelela Lokhu kungadlulela ekwenqabeni ukwabelana ngendlela ehlelekile, ukukhohlisa abanye ukuze bathole okuthile, noma ukunganaki imiphumela yezenzo zakho endaweni ezungezile. Nakuba sonke singaba nobugovu ngezinye izikhathi, lapho lesi simo sengqondo siqhubeka futhi sibusa, singalimaza kakhulu ubudlelwano bomuntu siqu, bomndeni, kanye nomsebenzi.
Ubugovu bungaba nezinhlobo eziningana
Nakuba kwaziwa ngegama elilodwa, singahlobanisa ubugovu nezincazelo ezahlukene kanye nezindlela. Ngokwesiko, ifilosofi kanye ne-psychology kuye kwahlukanisa imibono emithathu eyinhloko: ubugovu bengqondo, ubugovu bokuziphatha, kanye nobugovu obunengqondoNgaphezu kwalokhu, kungenziwa ezinye izinhlobo eziwusizo, njengobugovu obuhle noma obubi, noma umehluko phakathi kobugovu obunobugovu kanye nobugovu obunobugovu.
Ukuzicabangela ngokwengqondo
Lokhu empeleni ngumbono ositshela lokho umuntu wenza kuphela izenzo azenzayo ngenhloso ezomzuzisaLo mbono uphikisana ngokuthi imvelo yomuntu iqhutshwa yizinto ezithandwa nguye kuphela, nokuthi ngisho nezenzo ezinhle ekugcineni zishukunyiswa yisidingo sokuthola okuthile njengembuyiselo noma ukuze umuntu azuze. Ngokwalo mbono, ngisho nokuziphatha okubonakala sengathi kuwukuzidela kuhlala kunesizathu esiyisisekelo esihlobene nokuzilondoloza: ukugwema umuzwa wecala, ukufuna ukuvunyelwa, ukuthuthukisa isithombe sakho, ukunciphisa ukukhathazeka, njalo njalo.
Lo mbono uthi akekho umuntu owenza noma yini ngezizathu zokubonisa umusa kuphela, kodwa kunalokho Konke ukuziphatha kunengxenye yokuzikhathalela wenaAkwethulwanga njengesiphakamiso sokuziphatha (akusho ukuthi yini okufanele siyenze), kodwa njengencazelo yokuthi ukuziphatha kwabantu kuthiwa kusebenza kanjani. Izazi eziningi zengqondo ziyaphikisana nalo mbono ogqamile, kodwa ziyakwamukela ukuthi ukuzikhathalela komuntu siqu cishe kukhona njalo, noma ngabe kuhambisana nesifiso sangempela sokusiza.
Ubugovu bokuziphatha
Yaziwa nangokuthi ubugovu bokuziphathaUbugovu buyinkolelo-mbono noma uhlobo lobugovu oluthi abantu bayakwazi njalo ukwenza izenzo zokuzinikela, kodwa bazokwenza lokho kalula noma ngentshiseko enkulu uma bazi ukuthi kuzobazuzisa kamuva. Lo mbono uphethe ngokuthi, ngokombono wokuziphatha, kulungile ukuthi umuntu ngamunye abeke phambili izithakazelo zakhe ngaphezu kwakho konke okunye.
Kulesi simo, sikhuluma ngokuziphatha noma ukuziphatha ngoba umuntu uyazi ukuthi ukusiza kulungile ngokokuziphatha nokuthi izenzo zakhe zinhle; ngakho-ke, unenketho yokusiza. Kodwa-ke, bazokwenza lokho ngokuningi, ake sithi, injabulo uma uyazi ukuthi kuzoba nenzuzo esezansi Kuye, yilokho kuphela. Kuhlukile ebugovini bengqondo ngoba okokuqala kuchaza indlela esiyiyo, kuyilapho ubugovini bokuziphatha busikisela indlela okufanele siziphathe ngayo. Kusukela kulo mbono, ngisho namaqembu abantu (njengezinkampani noma amazwe) kufanele abeke phambili inhlalakahle yawo kuneyabanye.
Ubugovu obunengqondo
Uma sikhuluma nge-egoism enengqondo sibhekisa kumqondo wefilosofi ositshela ukuthi empeleni, ubugovu bomuntu buxhunyaniswe ngaphezu kwanoma yini nokusetshenziswa kwesizathuYingqondo yethu kanye nokucabanga kwethu okusitshela ukuthi silandelele izithakazelo zethu, futhi sichitha isikhathi sethu sibheka ukuthi isimo esithile singasizuzisa kanjani ekugcineni. Ngokwalo mbono, impilo enhle ihlanganisa ukwenza izinqumo ezinengqondo ezithuthukisa inhlalakahle yomuntu yesikhathi eside, ngaphandle kokuphazanyiswa umuzwa wecala noma izimfuneko zokuziphatha ezifuna ukuzidela njalo ngenxa yabanye.
Nakuba sikhuluma ngesihloko esifanayo cishe, lesi sihlukile futhi ezibonelweni zangaphambilini ngoba ngenkathi ngokwengqondo kusekelwe kokuqukethwe kwethuUmbono wokuziphatha usekelwe ekuziphatheni kwethu njengabantu ngabanye, kuyilapho umbono onengqondo ugxila emqondweni wokuthi ukucabanga nokucabanga yikona okusenza sibe nobugovu ngokwemvelo. Kusukela kulo mbono, ukuphana ngokweqile kuyagxekwa, njengoba njalo ukubeka abanye phambili kungaholela ekukhungathekeni nasekuthembeleni komuntu siqu.
Ezinye izindlela: ubugovu obuhle, ubugovu obubi, kanye nobugovu obunobugovu
Ngaphezu kwalezi zinkolelo-mbono zefilosofi, i-psychology esetshenziswayo kanye nesayensi ethandwayo kuvame ukuxoxa ngezici ezahlukene zobugovu kuye ngokuthi buthinta kanjani abanye. Umehluko wokuqala owusizo kakhulu uphakathi ubugovu obuhle kanye nobugovu obubi.
- Ubugovu obuhleLokhu kubhekisela ekhonweni lokuzibeka phambili ngaphandle kokulimaza abanye. Kufana kakhulu nomqondo wokuthi uthando lwakhoKuhilela ukwazi ukuthi ungayibeka kanjani imingcele, ukunakekela impilo yakho engokomzimba nengokomzwelo, kanye nokuthi "cha" lapho okuthile kungqubuzana nezindinganiso zomuntu siqu, kuyilapho uzama ukungalimazi imvelo ngamabomu.
- Ubugovu obubiUbugovu bubonakala lapho umuntu egcwalisa izifiso zakhe ngisho noma kulimaza abanye ngokuqondile noma ngokungaqondile. Ubugovu obuvame ukubhekwa njengobunecala ngokokuziphatha: ukuxhaphaza, ukuxhaphaza, ukusizakala ngabanye, ukunganaki umonakalo obangelwe.
Kukhona nokukhulunywa ngakho ubugovu obunobugovu (lapho umuntu ephila egxile ngokuphelele ezweni lakhe langaphakathi, enobunzima obukhulu bokuzibeka ezicathulweni zomunye umuntu) kanye ubugovu obungenabugovuLokhu kungaba ukuziphatha lapho umuntu efuna inzuzo yakhe ngendlela ewusizo nakwabanye. Isibonelo, umuntu oqala ibhizinisi ngenhloso yokuthuthukisa imali engenayo yakhe, futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo, adala imisebenzi futhi anikele ngenani emphakathini wakhe.
Ekugcineni, singacabanga ukuthi ukuba nobugovu kuyisimo sengqondo esingalungile esingamaphesenti ayikhulu.Kumelela ukungakwazi komuntu ukuxhumana nemizwa nezidingo zomunye umuntu, ngaleyo ndlela agweme ukuzidela; noma singakubona njengendlela yokufuna isithakazelo sakhe ukuze sithole inhlonipho. Isihluthulelo ukulinganisela: ukuzinakekela ngaphandle kokususa omunye esimweni sakhe semizwa.
Phela, ekugcineni, ngezinga elikhulu noma elincane, sonke sifuna ukwanelisa izintshisekelo zethu futhi sithole imisebenzi emihle, izinto ezinhle, kanye nezimpilo ezinhle, noma ngabe kufanele sinyathele abanye endleleni, njengoba kungenye yezindlela zokuphila zakudala kakhulu. Noma ngabe ukubheka kanjani, Kuwukuziphatha okungavumelani kahle nezindinganiso zomphakathi ngaso sonke isikhathiNgakho-ke, ukufunda ukuyishintsha kuba yisisekelo sokuba nobudlelwano obuhle.
Ubugovu: Umsebenzi Okhokha Kakhulu
Lapho sikhuluma ngomphakathi ngokusekelwe kulolu daba, kufanele siqonde ukuthi izinkambiso zenhlalo zifuna ukuguqula abantu babe ngabantu abazinikele abasebenzela thola ukukhulisa ukuchuma nezinga lempilo leqembu lomphakathi. Ngalokhu, kunemithetho, izabelo kanye nokwenqatshelwa okumele kulandelwe encwadini ukuze kufezeke lokhu.
Siyakwazi lokhu kuziphatha, ngoba sonke siyakuphila. Iqala ngokukhuliswa ngabazali bethu, futhi ifinyelela maphakathi nayo ngokuba nezingane zethu; Kusitshela ukuthi kufanele sisebenze ukukhulisa izingane zethu, siphile izimpilo zethu, bese sinakekela abazali bethu asebekhulile. Lolu chungechunge lokunakekelana ngezinye izikhathi lufihla, ngaphandle kokuqaphela, amathemba obugovu. kanye nemizwa yokukweleta.
Umqondo wobugovu emphakathini kulo mongo uvela lapho ungazinaki ngamabomu esinye sezici ezivezwayo ukuze ufune injabulo yangempela wedwa futhi ungazinaki imithwalo yakho yemfanelo. Isibonelo, lapho umuntu enquma ukungabi nabantwana noma ukungalandeli indlela yendabuko yokunakekela umndeni, angase abizwe ngokuthi unobugovu, noma ngabe wenza ngokuvumelana nezindinganiso zakhe.
Umphakathi ulindele ukuthi senze okuthile, futhi kunomqondo wokuthi ukungenzi okulindelwe kithi kuyindlela yokubonisa ukuthi siyazithanda. Uma nje ubuntwana sebudlulile siyadlula ukuba yizinceku zabazali bethu, Labo abaqala ngendlela efihliwe nengaqondile, ukusicela ukuba sibuyisele lezo zipho abasenzela zona, ngokungenabugovu, futhi uma sesinqume ukuzivikela siba ngabantu abanobugovu emehlweni abo.
Futhi, uma sesikhulile futhi sakhulisa izingane zethu, sizozenzela okufanayo, silindele ukuthi zisinakekele lapho singasakwazi. Yilapho ubugovu babantu buqala khona ukusebenza, ngoba yize simemezela ukuthi asifuni inzuzo yomuntu siqu, sisathembele ezinganeni zethu ukuba zisisize ngezikhathi zokuswela. Ngakho-ke, uthando lwangempela luxubene nokuzikhathalela., ngaphandle kokuthi sihlale siqaphela ngokugcwele.
Kumele kuqashelwe ukuthi kulezi zimo umqondo wobugovu awunikezwa ngokuphelele, kepha uhlobo lokuzidela okuphoqelelwe. Noma kunjalo, Kuthiwa ubugovu ngumsebenzi oholela kakhulu. Ngoba uma ukwazi ukuyisebenzisa ngokunengqondo, unakekela izintshisekelo zakho ngenkathi usebenzela inzuzo yabanye, ungathola izikhundla ezinhle noma ukukhushulwa ngokusekelwe esithombeni osihlakulele ukuze uzuze wena. Yilokhu okwenzekayo, isibonelo, lapho umuntu ebambisana kumaphrojekthi okusiza ngoba azi ukuthi kuthuthukisa i-resume yakhe kanye nedumela lakhe, ngaphezu kokunikeza inzuzo yangempela emphakathini.
Isibonelo esicacile singanikezwa abantu abacebile basendulo, kanye nezikhathi zethu. Laba bantu, ukuze bathathwe njengabazinikelayo, baqala izinhlangano zosizo futhi banikela ngemali ezinhlanganweni zosizo ukuze bathole ukuthandwa ngabantu. Namuhla, abantu abacebile banikela nge- ingxenye yemali yakho Abantu abaningi banikela ezinhlanganweni zosizo ngoba kubavumela ukuthi banciphise noma bagweme ukukhokha intela yabo. Bakwenza lokhu ukuze bazuze bona, kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo, kusalokhu kungumsebenzi "wobuzwe" obavumela ukuthi bagcine imali ebingalahlekela intela.
Kwenzeka into efanayo emsebenzini wansuku zonke: abanye ozakwabo bangase babonise ukuzimisela okukhulu ukusiza uma nje kuhilelekile thola ukubonakala noma ukuqashelwa phambi kwabaphathi noma amakhasimende. Nakuba lolu sizo lunenjongo yokuzisebenzela, lungakhiqiza izinzuzo zangempela eqenjini. Futhi, umugqa phakathi kobubele nobugovu uyafiphala, futhi isici esinqumayo ukuthi ngabe omunye umuntu ulinyazwa yini ukuze athole leyo nzuzo.
Izimbangela zengqondo zobugovu ngokweqile
Ukucabanga ngomuntu ofanayo ezimweni ezithile akukubi. Ngokuphambene nalokho, ukuziphatha okunempilo ngokuphelele. Kodwa-ke, uma umuntu njalo ubeka phambili izifiso, izidingo, noma imizwa yabo Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kulimaza kangakanani abanye, kungase kube nenkinga engokwengqondo ecashile noma indlela yobuntu egxilile.
Kusukela kwi-psychology yezokwelapha kuye kwaphawulwa ukuthi ubugovu obuphawulekayo nobuqhubekayo Kungabonakala kuhlotshaniswa nezinkinga noma ubunzima obuhlukahlukene bemizwa. Akusho ukuthi wonke umuntu onobugovu unesifo sengqondo, kodwa kusho ukuthi, ezimweni eziningi, ubugovu obukhulu buwuphawu lokuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle ezweni langaphakathi lalowo muntu.
- Iziyaluyalu zobuntuEzimweni ezifana nokuphazamiseka kobuntu okubangelwa ukuzikhukhumeza noma ukuphazamiseka kobuntu okubangelwa ukungathandi abantu, kuvamile ukuthi umuntu agxile kakhulu ezifisweni zakhe namalungelo akhe, enesimo esiphawulekayo. ukungabi naluzwela babheke izidingo zabanye. Bavame ukubona abanye njengezinto zokufeza imigomo yabo.
- UkudanaNakuba kungase kumangaze, ukucindezeleka kungandisa ukuzibamba. Umuntu ocindezelekile udliwa yimizwa yakhe yokuhlupheka, okumenza abe yisizinda sokunaka kwakhe. Lokhu kungenza angatholakali kwabanye futhi kumenze abonakale enobugovu kakhulu, noma ngabe ekujuleni kwenhliziyo yakhe... ivinjwe ubuhlungu bayo.
- UkuzenyezaNgezinye izikhathi, abantu abanokuzethemba okuphansi kakhulu bazama ukuziqinisekisa ngokuziphatha kobugovu, befuna ukuzibonakalisa ukuthi "bafanelwe okwengeziwe" noma ukuthi kufanele banxeshezelwe ngakho konke abanomuzwa wokuthi abakudingi. Lesi simo sengqondo, ngokumangalisayo, sigcina sihlukanisa labo abaseduze nabo futhi sibhebhethekise ukuzethemba kwabo.
Phakathi kwezinye izinto ezingaba khona, kukhona futhi ukwesaba ukulahlekelwaUkwesaba ukuhlupheka, ubuntwana obunemingcele embalwa noma, ngokuphambene nalokho, ngokuswela okuningi kwezinto ezibonakalayo nezingokomzwelo. Kuzo zombili izimo, umyalezo wangaphakathi ongagxila uthi: "Uma ngingazicabangi ngingaphezu kwakho konke okunye, akekho omunye ozocabanga." Lapho lo myalezo uqina, ubugovu buyaqina njengendlela yokuvikela emhlabeni.
Ukuqonda lezi zimbangela akuzithetheleli ukuziphatha okulimazayo, kodwa kuyasiza ukubona ukuthi, ngokuvamile, Ukungazethembi okujulile kubangelwa ubugovu obungapheliNgakho-ke, uma ubugovu bubangela ukuhlupheka okukhulu kuwe noma kwabanye, ngokuvamile kuyalulekwa ukubonisana nochwepheshe wezokwelapha kwengqondo ukuze uhlole ukuthi yini eyisisekelo salesi simo sengqondo.
Izinkomba eziyisikhombisa izidalwa ezinobugovu ezisishiya zona
Uma ungumuntu onobugovu—hhayi nje umuntu oziphatha ngokwemvelo, kodwa umuntu ozikhonza ngempela, kuze kube sezingeni lokuba cishe unesifo noma ungabi nandaba nabantu—izimpawu ezithile zizoshiya uphawu lwazo ebuntwini bakho futhi zizobonakala kalula. Lezi zimpawu zingakusiza futhi... ukuhlonza abantu abanobugovu ikakhulukazi endaweni yakho.
1: Abakhombisi ubuthakathaka babo nobuthakathaka babo
Abantu abanobugovu ngokwengqondo abakwazi nhlobo ukukhombisa ubuthakathaka babo. Kubo, ukubavuma nje kungasho ukuvuma ukuthi abaphelele njengoba belindele abanye ukuba bacabange, ngakho-ke ngeke bavume uma benephutha noma uma besaba noma yini. Besaba ukuthi ubuthakathaka buzobenza balahlekelwe ukulawula noma amandla. phezu kwabanye.
2: Abalaleli labo abangavumelani nemibono yabo
Abantu abanobugovu abayekethisi lapho umuntu enombono ophikisana ngokwengxenye noma ngokuphelele nawo. Bazothola indlela yokushintsha umqondo wabo, futhi bazokuphazamisa, bangakunaki, noma bakumemeze noma ngabe lowo muntu uzama ukugcina umbono wabo. Abakubekezeleli kahle ukugxekwa noma ukungezwani.ngoba bachaza noma yikuphi ukungavumelani njengokuhlasela komuntu siqu.
3: Babheka ukuthi bafanelwe yikho konke
Laba bantu bakholelwa ngempela ukuthi konke okusemhlabeni kungokwabo kuphela. Bazoba nezinkinga uma bengatholi okuthile noma uma omunye umuntu ekuthola esikhundleni salokho. Bangase babambe inzondo ngomuntu othole lokho ababenomuzwa wokuthi kufanele kube okwabo. Ngokuvamile kuba nenzondo enamandla engaphansi. umuzwa wokufaneleka noma ukuphakama.
4: Abakwemukeli ukugxekwa okwakhayo
Abantu abanobugovu bacabanga ukuthi konke abakwenzayo kulungile, nokuthi uma ungavumelani nabo kungenxa yokuthi uzama ukwehlisa ukucabanga kwabo ukuze uthole ukukhushulelwa esikhundleni noma inzuzo ngoba lowo muntu uyeka ukwenza abakwenzayo. Emehlweni abo, noma ngubani obasolayo umane nje ungumona ofisa okubi kwabo. Baguqula ukugxeka kube yingxabano. esikhundleni sokukusebenzisa njengethuba lokuthuthuka.
5: Khulisa Okufezile
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi izenzo zabo zincane kangakanani, noma ukuthi imisebenzi yabo ibaluleke kangakanani, bazothola indlela yokwenza abanye bakholelwe ukuthi bafeze okungaphezu kwalokho abakwenzile ngempela, ukuze abanye babone ukuzethemba kwabo kwangaphakathi futhi bababone njengababalulekile. isifiso sokugqama Lokhu kubenza bagqamise impumelelo yabo futhi banciphise impumelelo yabanye.
6: Bagxeka abantu ngemuva
Labo abanobuntu obunobugovu ngokuvamile bazozama ukwenza abanye babonakale bengelutho kunalokho abayikho ngempela. Eqenjini, bazozama ukwenza abanye babonakale bephansi, kodwa ngenhloso yokuba ekugcineni babe ngumuntu oyedwa kuphela olungile okhona. Basebenzisa ukugxeka njengethuluzi lokulawula ukuqinisa isithombe sabo.
7: Abalokothi bathathe amashansi
Bayasaba ukuthatha izingozi empilweni ngoba abakwazi ukuhluleka. Kodwa-ke, uma bebona omunye umuntu ehluleka, bazoba ngabokuqala ukukhomba umunwe, bahlulele ngokhahlo bathi, "Bengilokhu ngazi ukuthi kuzophela kanje." Bavame ukukhetha sebenzisa umthetho womzamo omncaneBayasiza noma bahileleke kuphela uma kuba lula kubo noma uma inzuzo iphezulu kakhulu, begwema noma yikuphi ukuthutha okungaba nezindleko eziphezulu zomuntu siqu kubo.
Izimo zengqondo zansuku zonke ezengeziwe ezikhaphela umuntu onobugovu
Ngaphezu kwalezi zinkomba eziyisikhombisa, kunezinye izindlela zokuziphatha nemikhuba yansuku zonke engakusiza ukuthi ubone ubugovu kuwe noma kwabanye. Eziningi zazo zibonakala njengemininingwane emincane, kodwa ukuphindaphinda njalo sungula iphethini ecacile.
- Basebenzisa noma yisiphi isimo ukuze bazizuzise bona.Bafuna izindlela ezincane zokukhokha kancane, ukusebenza kancane, noma ukufaka umzamo omncane kakhulu. Isibonelo, bazama ukuqhutshwa njalo, abanye benze imisebenzi engathandeki, noma baphathwe njalo ngaphandle kokubuyiselwa.
- Akulula ukuthi babelaneBakuthola kunzima ukuboleka imali, izinto, noma ngisho nesikhathi ngaphandle kokuthi kukhona inzuzo ecacile. Bangase benqabe ukunikeza into elula, njengocezu lwetshungama noma amanzi, uma becabanga ukuthi bazosala bengenalutho.
- Bathatha isimiso sokubuyiselana ngokweqile.Banikela okuthile kuphela uma belindele ukuthola okufanayo noma ngaphezulu njengembuyiselo. Uma benomuzwa wokuthi abakhokhelwanga, bayakwamukela ukudelelwa futhi bangase bacasuke, bagweme izenzo zesikhathi esizayo kulowo muntu.
- Basebenzisa umthetho wezindleko eziphansiBazimisele ukwenza umusa kuphela uma kukulungele, uma behlala eduze, noma uma kungadingeki badede kakhulu endleleni yabo. Ngeke benze umzamo uma kuhilela ukuzidela kwangempela.
Ngokuvamile, laba bantu nabo abakwenzi lokho. Babonisa imizwa yabo yangempelaBangasebenzisa imizwa njengethuluzi lokufeza okuthile (isibonelo, ngokudlala ngesisulu noma ngokwenza abanye bazizwe benecala) kodwa bakuthola kunzima ukuvuleka isifuba ngobuqotho, ngoba bakuhumusha njengobuthakathaka.
Ubugovu obungokomzwelo: lapho uthando luba yindlela eyodwa
Ngokuvamile uma sizwa igama elithi ubugovu singase sicabange ngomuntu owenqaba ukuboleka ezinye zezinto zakhe ezibonakalayo; nokho, kukhona futhi abantu abazikhukhumezayo ngokomzweloNgokuyisisekelo bachazwa njengabantu abahlala bebeka phambili izidingo zabo ezingokomzwelo kunezabanye, cishe abanaso nhlobo isenzo sokupha, futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo, bakholelwa ukuthi bafanelwe yikho konke.
Abantu abanobugovu ngokomzwelo bangaba yingozi kakhulu, njengoba umuntu onamathela ngokomzwelo kumuntu onjalo engahlupheka kakhulu. Ubuhlobo babo abulokothi buvumelane; akukho ukunikezana nokwamukelana. umgwaqo onemizila emibilikodwa kunalokho umgwaqo ohamba ngendlela eyodwa ongenakubuya. Lobu ubudlelwano lapho iqembu elilodwa linikeza, liqonda, futhi lisekela, kanti elinye linqunyelwe ekwamukeleni, ekufuneni, nasekufuneni.
Ukuhlala noma ukwabelana nomuntu onobugovu ngokomzwelo kungazwakala sengathi uhlala ehlane: uzwa amakhaza ashubisayo ebusuku kanye nokoma okucindezelayo kosuku. Bangabantu abangakwazi ukuthanda ngendlela evuthiwe...yokunikeza ukwesekwa okuqinile ngokomzwelo nokuzibophezela enhlalakahleni yomunye umuntu. Ngokuthakazelisayo, abaningi babo abaziphathi kahle: abazinakekeli, abaziqapheli izimpumelelo zabo, futhi bangase baphile ohlotsheni "losizi olungokomzwelo" abaluthwala ebudlelwaneni babo.
Empeleni, baziphatha kanje:
- Bahlala belindele okuthile njengembuyiselo.Uma benza umusa kumuntu othile, ngokuvamile kuba khona inkinga. Kamuva, bazosebenzisa lowo musa ukufuna into enkulu, futhi uma bengawutholi, bangase bahoxise ukwesekwa kwabo, izipho zabo, noma ngisho nokuba khona kwabo.
- Baba yizisulu ezimweni zomphakathiUma bephumile nabangani noma umndeni, bangase bathi abanayo imali, ukuthi bakhohlwe ikhadi labo, noma ukuthi babhekene nobunzima ngokwezimali, ukuze nje abanye bakhokhe. Kodwa-ke, basuke befuna ukujabulela amalungelo, izindawo ezibizayo, noma imikhiqizo ekhethekile.
- Baqoqa amagqubuBakhuluma njalo ngalokho okwenziwa kubo esikhathini esidlule, beziveza njengezisulu ezihlala zikhona, kodwa abavamile ukuvuma umthwalo wabo wemfanelo ezingxabanweni.
- Banomqondo ophambene wobulungiswaBazizwa bengenabulungisa uma kubathinta, kodwa bayakunciphisa ukungabi nabulungisa abangakubangela kwabanye. Bakholelwa ukuthi bafanelwe okungaphezu kwabanye futhi abavamile ukungabaza le nkolelo.
- Zivame ukuqongelelaNgezinye izikhathi bagcina izinto, imali, noma izinsiza abangazisebenzisi "uma kwenzeka," bebonisa ukwesaba okukhulu kokuphelelwa yiyo yonke into. Ukuqonda kwabo okungabonakali kubonakala sengathi kuthi, "Angikuniki lutho ngoba ngesaba ukushiywa ungenalutho."
- Bayabanda futhi bayacabangaBahlala belinganisa lokho abakuzuzayo futhi abalahlekelwa yikho ngesenzo ngasinye. Akuvamile ukwenza lutho "ngeze"; uma kungekho nzuzo ecacile, bayahoxa.
- Balawula ngobuhlakaniNgokuvamile bahlakaniphe kakhulu ekutholeni ukuthi ubani okulula ukumkhohlisa, futhi baya kulabo bantu ukuqinisekisa ukuthi banikezwa ukunakwa, ukunakekelwa, kanye nezinsiza njalo.
Umphumela wokuhlala nomuntu onjalo ukukhathala ngokomzwelo. Labo abanobugovu ngokomzwelo bavame ukuzizwa bengabalulekile, besetshenzisiwe, futhi bedidekile, bezibuza ukuthi yini enye abangayenza ukuze bathole ngisho nokubuyiselwa okuncane.
Ingabe ubugovu buhlala bubi? Indima yokuzithanda
Ubugovu buvame ukubhekwa njengento embi. Ngisho nencazelo ebanzi kakhulu ikhuluma "ngokuzithanda ngokweqile." Kodwa-ke, ochwepheshe bezengqondo abahlukahlukene baveza ukuthi kukhona futhi ubugovu obuhle noma obunempilo, kusondele kakhulu emqondweni wokuzithanda.
Lolu hlobo lobugovu luhlanganisa ukuzenza indawo yakho ngaphandle kokunganaki inhlalakahle yabanyeKuhilela ukungabeki izidingo zabanye abantu kuqala ngaso sonke isikhathi, ukwazi ukuthi ungayenqaba kanjani lapho okuthile kusongela impilo yakho engokomzwelo, engokomzimba noma engokwezomnotho, kanye nokuhlonipha imingcele yakho.
Kunokuba yinkinga, lokhu kuzithanda okudingekayo ukuze kugcinwe impilo enhle yengqondoUma umuntu ehlala ezinikela kwabanye, ezikhohlwa ngaye, ugcina ekhathele, ethukuthele, futhi esengozini. Ukuzinakekela, ukuphumula, ukucela usizo, noma ukuthi "sekwanele" akukhona ukuba nobugovu ngomqondo omubi waleli gama; kuyindlela yokugcina isithunzi sakho nokukwazi ukusiza abanye kangcono endaweni yokulinganisela.
Umehluko omkhulu phakathi kobugovu obubi kanye nokuzithanda usenjongweni kanye nemiphumela: owokuqala ngokungahleliwe ayinaki noma ithatha kancane izidingo zabanyeOwesibili uzama ukuhlanganisa izidingo zakho nezabanye, efuna izixazululo ezihloniphayo ngangokunokwenzeka kubo bonke abathintekayo.
Indlela yokuyeka ukuba nobugovu: izinyathelo eziqondile
Ngezinga elikhulu noma elincane, sonke sinobugovu ngezindlela ezithile. Kodwa-ke, lapho lesi simo sengqondo siqala ukulimaza ubungane, izibopho zomndeni, noma ubudlelwano bothando, kufanelekile ukuzibuza ukuthi yini esingayenza ukuze sishintshe. Ubugovu obufundiwe bungafundwa uma kukhona intando nokuzibophezela.
Ezinye iziqondiso ezibalulekile zokusebenza kulokhu yilezi ezilandelayo:
- Zindla ngakho futhi ukwamukeleIsinyathelo sokuqala ukuvuma ngobuqotho ukuziphatha kwakho kobugovu. Ukuqaphela ukuthi kulimaza kanjani abanye kanye nawe (ukulahlekelwa abangane, izingxabano, isizungu) kukusiza ukuba uqaphele. Kungase kuvele umuzwa wecala, kodwa kubalulekile ukuwuguqula ube umthwalo wemfanelo woshintsho.
- Ukushintsha kombonoUkwamukela ukuthi awuhlali ulungile nokuthi imibono yabanye abantu, izifiso zabo, kanye nokulinganiselwa kwabo nakho kubalulekile. Lokhu kusho ukulalela kakhulu, ukubuza ukuthi abanye badingani, nokungacabangi ukuthi konke kugxile embonweni wakho.
- Ukuqeqesha uzwelaUkuzibeka esimweni somunye umuntu, ucabange ukuthi bangase bazizwe kanjani ngezinqumo zakho. Ukuzibuza ukuthi, "Ukube lokhu bekungenziwa kimi, bengizozizwa kanjani?" kuvula umnyango wezenzo zokupha ezizenzakalelayo.
- Prakthiza ukulalela ngokugcweleAkukhona nje ukuzwa amazwi, kodwa futhi nokunaka ulimi lomzimba, ithoni yezwi, kanye nokuthula. Gwema ukuphazamisa njalo ukuze ukhulume ngawe. Lokhu kuqaphela kudala ukuxhumana okujulile futhi kunciphisa isidingo sokuziveza njalo.
- Nika, ungamukeli nje kuphelaQala ngezenzo ezincane: nikeza usizo ngaphandle kokucelwa, dela isihlalo sakho, phatha abanye ngezikhathi ezithile, wabelane ngesikhathi noma izinsiza ngaphandle kokulindela umvuzo osheshayo. Ngokuzijwayeza, lezi zenzo ziba yimikhuba.
- Yenza umzamo oqondileUkuphila esikweni esihlonipha impumelelo yomuntu ngamunye kanye nokuncintisana kukhuthaza ubugovu. Yingakho, Ushintsho ludinga ukuphikisana nesikhathi samanje. Ngokuvamile. Ukukhetha ngobuhlakani ukuziphatha okusekelayo, noma ngabe kunzima, kuqinisa ubuntu futhi kuthuthukise ikhwalithi yobudlelwano.
- Sebenza ngokuzethembaUma umuntu ezizwa engcono ngaye, kulapho edinga khona ukuba nobuntu, ukuncintisana, noma ukufakazela ukuthi uphakeme. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukungazethembi kukhulisa isidingo esiqhubekayo sokuba yisikhungo sokunakwa nokuba nokuningi kunabanye.
Ezimweni lapho ubugovu bugxile kakhulu noma buhlobene nokulimala, ukuswela ubuntwana, noma izinkinga zobuntu, kungaba usizo kakhulu ukuqala inqubo yokwelapha ngengqondoUchwepheshe angakusiza ukuthi ubuyekeze umlando wakho, ubuze ngezinkolelo eziqinile ("uma ngingazinaki, ngizonyathelwa"), futhi akuqeqeshe ukuthi ubhekane ngezindlela ezintsha nezilinganiselayo.
Indlela yokusebenzelana nomuntu onobugovu kakhulu
Uma wabelana ngempilo yakho nomuntu obonisa ubugovu obuphawulekayo, kungaba emndenini wakho, ebuhlotsheni bakho, emsebenzini, noma eqenjini labangane, kubalulekile ukucaca ngalokho ongakwenza nalokho ongenakukwenza. Akukhona ukuzama "ukusindisa" lowo muntu, kodwa mayelana Vikela inhlalakahle yakho ngenkathi ubeka imingcele ecacile.
- Ukukhuluma ngokuqiniseka nangozwelaVeza indlela ozizwa ngayo ngokuziphatha kwabo ngaphandle kokuthuka noma ukuhlasela. Imisho efana nokuthi "Ngiyaqonda ukuthi kunzima kuwe ukwabelana, kodwa uma lokhu kwenzeka ngizizwa ngixhashaziwe" iwusizo kakhulu kunokusola okuqondile.
- Hlukanisa umusa wokushintshanaUma umuntu enomkhuba "wokukhokhisa" izipho, kuyasiza ukuchaza ukuthi isipho, ngokwencazelo, akufanele sikhokhiswe. Uma befuna okuthile njengokubuyisela, kufanele bakubeke ngqo njengokushintshana. Lokhu kuvimbela ukusongela ngokomzwelo kamuva.
- Ungazivumeli ukuthi ukhohlisweUma umuntu ehlala ekutshela lokho akwenzele kona, kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi awuzange umphoqe ukuba akwenze. Ukuphinda ngokuthula ukuthi, "Uma ubungafuni ukukwenza, ubungasho ukuthi cha," kusiza ekuqedeni indlela yokukhohlisa.
- Beka imingcele nemiphumelaUma imingcele yakho yeqa ngokuphindaphindiwe, kungumqondo omuhle ukuchaza imiphumela. Isibonelo, ungase uyeke ukwabelana ngolwazi lomuntu siqu, uyeke ukuboleka imali, noma unciphise isikhathi sokuxhumana.
- Cabanga ngokuthatha isinyathelo sokubuyela emuvaUma, naphezu kwemizamo yakho, umuntu engashintshi futhi ubugovu bakhe buqhubeka nokukulimaza, ngezinye izikhathi inketho enempilo ukuziqhelelanisa ngangokunokwenzeka. Ukuvikela ukuthula kwengqondo yakho kanye nokuzethemba kuhlale kuyinto eza kuqala.
Wonke umuntu uyazi ukuthi angaziphethe kanjani futhi angaziphathi ngendlela ethile. Uma othile eqaphela ukuthi akakwazi ukusebenzisa amasu athile obugovu kuwe ngoba awukuvumeli, ngokuvamile ushintsha indlela akuphatha ngayo noma, okungenani, aqale ukuhlonipha imingcele yakho kakhulu.
Ukuqonda ukuthi ubugovu busebenza kanjani kubantu, izimbangela zabo kanye nokubonakaliswa kwabo, kusenza sikwazi ukwenza izinqumo ezihlakaniphile: kusukela ekuhlakuleleni ukuzithanda okulinganiselwe Kumayelana nokungasusi abanye, kanye nokuzivikela kangcono kubantu abakhathalela izintshisekelo zabo kuphela. Ukufunda ukubona lezi zinguquko nokuziguqula, kokubili ngaphakathi kuwe nasebudlelwaneni obuseduze, kungenye yezihluthulelo zokwakha ukuxhumana okunempilo, okunobulungiswa, nokwanelisayo kuwo wonke umuntu.